The Addition of Geese

Whenever we embark on new projects for The House that Worked Out, we always ask ourselves a few questions:

• will this project improve our quality of lives?
• does it give us enough bang for our buck?
• Are there any downsides to the new project, especially regarding ongoing maintenance?

For example, our younger son was very much loving his tennis. We briefly considered a tennis court. Going through our questions:

1. Yes, it would improve our quality of life. We were driving him 45 minutes into town and back numerous times per week for practice, and it would immediately mean we could drop some of that driving: saved time for him, saved time for us, saved fuel, and it would undoubtedly mean he would be able to train more often.
2. No, it did not give enough bang for the buck. Even taking into account savings in fuel, car maintenance, court hire, it would take many, many years to recoup the money spent on the court.
3. Ongoing maintenance, yuck. Sweeping the court whenever we wanted to use it, nets rotting in the sun and needing replacing, and what would we do with a tennis court when our son either a) gave up tennis or b) moved out of home?

So, no tennis court. Which is just as well, since a few months later he became mad-keen on basketball.

Anyway, we took this same approach when deciding to keep geese. Geese are known as lawnmowers, and we thought this would cut down on one ongoing, boring task. Going through our list:

1. Yes, geese would improve our quality of lives. Wonderful not to have to worry about mowing! Long grass is a bushfire hazard, and we would be able to have lovely picnics on our nice, short lawn.
2. Bang for Buck- We came across someone giving geese away. He said geese don’t need feeding if they have enough grass. Therefore, no outlay, heaps of bang for buck.
3. Maintenance- We thought the geese could be self-sufficient. We have dams and they eat grass, so hopefully no ongoing maintenance.

Peter’s family had kept a couple of geese when he was a kid, but my only exposure to geese was through a set of books my mother bought for me when I was 11 or so, the Elizabeth Gail Dobbs books. ‘Libby’ is a foster child who goes to live on a farm with a foster family and is immediately terrorised by the family goose, ‘Goosy Poosy’. Goosy Poosy seemed like a pretty nasty creature, hissing and flapping and honking and chasing.

Anyway, where Peter’s memories of geese include fluffy goslings, ginormous eggs for baking, and nicely kept lawns, my only real impressions were of hissing.

We have had the geese (all named Goosy Poosy, obviously) for most of the year , and so far, no ginormous eggs for baking and no fluffy goslings, but they certainly do keep the lawn down. And hiss.

Here is how the geese greet me when I do NOT have food for them.

Here is how the geese greet me when I DO have food for them.

Yes. That’s right. The same. Ungrateful creatures.

We originally kept them in our orchard with the ducks, but they were so NASTY to the ducks that I actually started to feel fondly protective of our duckies (and if you read about how I feel about ducks, you will know what a turnaround that was). Also, the geese leaped up and ate all the almost-ripe apples on the 3 year old apple trees, so until fruit season is done, the geese are banned from the orchard. Which means I still have to mow it. Boo.

Geese also poo a LOT. It is true that we haven’t needed to mow anywhere near as much, but the  downside is that no one is really enjoying strolls across the clipped lawn because it’s all covered in poo.

So, weighing it all out, how have we fared? Yes, we have more time because we don’t mow anywhere near as much, and the geese are worth it for that. There is very little cost associated with them; they basically look after themselves.

On the flip side, they bully any animal smaller than themselves, they have rendered our lawns un-picnic-able, and even after a year of knowing that I am the one who brings them lovely fruity treats from our compost bin, they still hiss at me like I am the spawn of the devil.

But I can handle that. You see, I know something they don’t know, something I have stored away if the geese bite the hands that feeds.

Christmas is around the corner.